When You Don’t Think You Have Enough Faith

I don’t like to have faith.

I mean, I do…but only in theory.

Because having faith means I’m okay with the unknown. And that conflicts with my desire to be “in the know” at all times.

Photo by Flavio Gasperini on Unsplash

So to calmly say to God, “You got this. I KNOW you got this,” in the middle of uncertainty, can be so very hard, because I just want answers or comprehension, or a “to-do” list would work fine, as well. I don’t want to have to look for the good, discern direction, be patient, or cling to faith. Let’s all just go back to normal and happy and carry on, thank you very much.

Then I have this idea of what perfect faith should look like. It’s not something anyone told me, but it’s something my brain cooked up in all its helpfulness. And it looks like this: No tears, no anxiety – we are smack in the middle of thorny, but we are immovable. After all, scripture says,

So I can think people of faith don’t worry because God tells us not to. So if we worry, then we don’t have the good stuff. We must not have REAL FAITH.

>>Writing God’s word in our heart also helps increase our faith, check out this related article: A Busy Woman’s Guide to Memorizing Scripture.<<

But a sweet friend said something about that verse that halted my thoughts. “Maybe,  God tells us to cast all our anxieties upon Him, not because He’s demanding in an I-will-punish-you-ye-of-no-faith-if-you-worry sort of way. Instead, God knows we will sometimes feel anxious and He is comforting us. Like a father who strokes his beloved daughter’s hair and repeats, ‘Don’t fear dear one. I’ve got this. You don’t have to worry, because we’re doing life together – every day, moment-by-moment.'”

Oh. Yes, that seems to better fit the character of who God is. A God who continually throughout scripture whispers then shouts, “I love you!  I love you! I love you!” A God who reaches down and says, “Take my hand – I will strengthen you as we walk together.” Then there’s the story of  God providing manna daily to the traveling, hungry Israelites. They were instructed to collect exactly enough food for that day – no more, no less:

How God provided the Israelites manna reminds me of faith. God sometimes gives us just enough faith to get through the day. Or maybe even less – only enough faith to get through the moment.

We don’t always need enough faith to fill the Grand Canyon.

And it doesn’t have to look like we envisioned: head up, shoulders back, calm heart marching like a champ through the storm. (“A grilled chicken salad please with a side of fries.” *Or white flaky things that look like bread…manna you call it, eh???*)

Faith doesn’t have to be polished.

Or perfect.

Faith can look untidy.

Faith can be a pause in the tears. Faith can be still walking through your day despite the thick fog of depression. Faith can be reaching out for a friend, even though you don’t think it will help. Faith can be a broken prayer. Faith can be a moment’s notice of beauty in the ugly. Faith can be a terrified, shaky step forward. Faith can be searching for answers amidst overwhelming doubt. Faith can happen right in the middle of the giant, untamed emotions.

I don’t know what journey you are on right now. Maybe you are asking questions, repairing a relationship, letting go, starting a new chapter, burnt out, seeking direction, making a big decision, or just wanting to… Get. Through. This. Season. And maybe you – like me – can sometimes feel like you don’t have enough faith or the right kind of faith. (Don’t we all want to increase our faith, then feel frustrated when the result doesn’t look like we envisioned.) But the truth is…

Imperfect faith is still faith.

And very often, that is all we need.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Photo by Kasper Rasmussen on Unsplash

Photo by Tara Evans on Unsplash